One Step Forward, Four Steps Back Chapter 27

ONE STEP FORWARD, FOUR STEPS BACK
A THOR/AVENGERS FANFICTION
CHAPTER TWENTY SEVEN: Compromises

The sun rose like it always does on the morning Odin was supposed to arrive.  Thor hadn’t slept at all that night, fear and worry consuming him unlike any night previous.  He feared what sort of compromises would have to be made to keep Loki safe.  Thor also worried about S.H.I.E.L.D. and how Fury would react to all of this.  He could only hope that Odin would break his alliance with them.  Elder-Loki was worried too but he was also exhausted; too exhausted to reveal any sort of true emotion.  He had kept a lid on how tired he truly was, but this day was the last straw.  The next morn would be his last and he knew it.  He was the only one that did know it.  He had gained so much wisdom and understanding but would die before he could truly act on.  Elder-Loki knew that it was truly for the best but it didn’t stop him from feeling bitter about it.  Not that he blamed the boy for any of this.  There was no one to blame but himself (and Odin to an extent).  If he hadn’t flown off the deep end like he had, none of this would be occurring in the first place.  But that wasn’t the case, however, and things must all come to an end.  He just happened to be the thing that was ending.
Everyone was visibly tense as they ate breakfast.  No one was speaking and the meal was quiet and awkward.  Frigga’s presence comforted the Odinsons, but no one else had the comfort of a mother to calm them.  They only had each other and there wasn’t much comfort to be found there.  After the meal, Loki brought some of his favorite toys to the main area and played with them quietly as the adults prepared for Odin’s arrival.  They were doing their best to distract Loki from the looming arrival of the All-Father.  Nothing seemed to do the trick, though.  Loki would anxiously glance back at them all, fear in his green gaze.  He didn’t truly understand what was going on, but understood enough to know that this whole meeting could go poorly.  That was the last thing he wanted and like the rest of them could only worry about it.
Lunch came and went without the All-Father making an appearance.  They ate in silence once more, sweat forming on Thor’s brow.  He, elder-Loki and Loki alike were extremely anxious.  Loki was twitchy and nervous, the boy unable to eat because of it.  Once the table was clear, Thor began to pace in the main room, Loki’s wide eyes following his every movement.  The boy eventually stood and tugged on Thor’s shirt.
“Yes,” Thor asked.  Loki put his arms up in the air and Thor picked him up.
“When is he comin’?” Loki whispered into Thor’s ear.
“I know not, Loki,” Thor replied softly, rubbing Loki’s back.  Loki moaned softly.
“Is e’erything gonna work out?  Is e’erybody gonna be okay?” Loki asked.
“I sure hope so,” Thor murmured, unwilling to look him in the eyes.  Loki sighed and rested his head on Thor’s shoulder.
“’M scared,” Loki whispered.
“As am I,” Thor admitted.  Loki glanced over to the window.
“I hope he comes soon,” Loki muttered.  Thor sighed loudly and nodded.  There wasn’t more to say, and nothing could put either of them at ease.  So neither spoke again.
Loki was playing with LEGOs near the sliding glass door around two in the afternoon.  Bruce was keeping an eye on him from a distance, Loki not really playing at all.  He was constantly looking at the door.  The yard was quiet and still with no hint of unusual activity.  Loki yawned and rubbed his eyes.  His nap time was fast approaching but Loki didn’t want to sleep.  Bruce knew that he wanted to stay awake so he wouldn’t miss Odin’s arrival, but the boy was visibly tired.  Sighing, Bruce stood and walked over, squatting down near Loki.
“Loki,” Bruce said.
“Yeah,” Loki replied offhandedly, his gaze fixed on the door.
“Do you want to take a nap?  You seem sleepy.” Bruce said gently.  Loki shook his head.
“Nuh-uh.  I wan’ t’ stay here an’ wait for daddy.” Loki responded.
“Loki,” Bruce began, unsure of how to phrase his thought, “I’m not sure how much good will come out of all this.” Loki finally turned to look at him.
“I know.  Some good stuff might happen an’ I wan’ t’ see it an’ not j’st have grown-ups tell me ‘bout it later.  I wan’ t’ be there.” Loki told him.
“I understand completely,” Bruce replied softly, “but don’t get your hopes up.  Your father may not understand at all.”
“’Kay.  ‘M sure tha’ Thor can get daddy t’ understand tha’ ‘m a good boy.  He made all of you see.” Loki said.  Bruce shook his head and chuckled gently.
“No, Loki, he didn’t,” Bruce began, Loki eyes widening in confusion, “you did that.” Loki titled his head to the side.
“I did?” Loki asked.  Bruce smiled.
“Yeah, you did,” Bruce replied.  Loki smiled back and gave Bruce a swift peck on the check.
“Then maybe I can do the same t’ daddy,” Loki said.  Bruce kissed Loki’s hair and returned to the sofa, Loki’s gaze returning to the door.
About fifteen minutes before three, the sky began to darken.  Loki sat up a little tighter, his heart slowing a little.  The clouds were beginning to swirl in a formation that Loki knew wasn’t a normal weather pattern.  Before he could call anyone over to look, a bright light rocketed from the clouds and Loki’s eyes widened.  It was the same light that brought Frigga to Midgard, Loki was sure of it.
“Thor!” Loki called urgently.  Bruce was now standing by Loki silently, watching as the light became brighter and brighter.  Thor came dashing in, slowing to a trot as he approached the door.
“It’s really happening,” Bruce murmured.  
“Aye.  It appears so.” Thor replied, picking Loki up.
“Hey!” Loki cried. “I can stand!”  Thor smiled.
“Yes I know.  I want to carry you.” Thor told him.  Loki groaned but stayed quiet, his eyes watching the light show.  Elder-Loki now stood with them, knowing that the end was fast approaching.  Soon enough everyone was gathered at the sliding glass door, watching the light reach its brightest, then fade into nothingness.  Outside the lab now stood Odin’s army in all its entirety, Odin at the front.  No one spoke or moved from either side.  Thor took a deep breath then glanced backward at his meager band of allies.  
“Are we prepared?” he asked.  Loki looked up at Thor’s face and waited.  A unanimous murmur of agreement rippled through the crowd and Thor opened the door.  Frigga walked at Thor’s right and elder-Loki was on the left.  Odin’s eye narrowed but he did nothing.  Loki was shaking slightly, fear beginning to creep in.  He knew that Bruce was right.  It was possible that little good would come of this talk with Odin.  But he also knew that this was the only way to attempt to repair anything.
“Father,” Thor said when he was about ten feet away.
“Thor, Frigga, Loki,” Odin replied with a nod, obviously addressing both Lokis.  Loki was looking around frantically, his breathing heavy and labored.
“All will be well little one,” elder-Loki whispered.  Loki gulped and nodded, his gaze locking on Odin.
“This has gone on long enough.  Relinquish both Lokis now.  If you do so, I will not use force.” Odin commanded.
“Father this is madness!  Why continue to hunt Loki?  He is a boy, not something to hunt!  I beg of you, hear my comrades out.  Listen to how they view the boy, then make a decision from there.  Sentencing him to prison will accomplish nothing father.  We are willing to compromise for Loki’s safety.” Thor said.  Odin’s eye narrowed and his grip on his scepter grew tighter.
“And of the elder one?” Odin asked.
“We can speak of him after you hear what my allies have to say,” Thor replied.
“Fine.  I will hear from two of your allies.  Then we shall speak of compromise and the elder-Loki.” Odin agreed.  Thor breathed a sigh of relief.  The hardest step had been conquered.
“Alright.  Thank you father.  Banner, would you like to speak?” Thor said.  Bruce nodded and step forward.  He bowed slightly, earning a small giggle from Loki.  Bruce glanced back and felt some of his fear ebb away.
“Well, um I performed a medical exam on your son, sir, a couple of months ago.  I…I didn’t want to at first.  I had a personal grudge and dislike for Loki and wasn’t comfortable helping him.  But the more I worked, the more Loki won me over.  He didn’t use deceit or lies or tricks to do it, either.  Loki was just himself.  Sire, Loki is one of the nicest people I have ever met.  You’ll be making a mistake if you imprison him.  You don’t want to miss out him.” Bruce stood awkwardly for a moment, unsure if he wanted to say something else.  He wasn’t really sure if he had made a good impression and judging by Odin’s stoic expression, Bruce wasn’t sure if he had or not.  So Bruce stepped back and made way for another to speak.  Thor knew that he should probably pick the next person, but to his horror, Clint was walking forward.
“Could I speak?” said Clint.  Thor glanced at him nervously and Clint winked at him.
“I…yes, Barton.” Thor finally said.  Loki was suddenly very nervous.
“Odin, I can be the first to admit to not liking Loki.  To be honest, I really despise him.  But don’t let me fool you; it’s Loki I hate, but that boy isn’t the Loki I hate.  The Loki I hate is standing nearby.  It’s obvious why I would hate him, his war crimes filling a list miles long but that boy isn’t him.  Loki is a five-year-old boy, sir.  He likes LEGOs and hates watching television.  His favorite dessert is mint chocolate ice cream and he likes it when people read him bedtime stories.  He is always smiling, always positive and doesn’t appear to hate anyone.  Despite all the pain he has been put through, all the hate he has been shown, he is more tolerant than most grown people.  That must mean that this change was good.  That has to mean that the kid is good, that he’s changed.  It’s apparent, isn’t it?  He isn’t dangerous.  I may not like him, but I cannot deny that he isn’t a danger to anyone.  Open your eyes, sir.  It’s staring you straight in the face.” Clint finished speaking and stepped backward.  Thor was shocked at what Clint had said, but was extremely grateful.  If that didn’t sway Odin, he didn’t know what would.  A silence fell over everyone for a while, the air thick.
“Thor,” Odin finally said, “could I hear from the boy?” Thor blinked at the request and nodded.  He placed Loki on the ground and nudged the boy forward.  Loki commanded his shaking legs to walk toward Odin.  When he reached his destination, Loki slowly glanced up.  Odin’s face wasn’t hard with hate, nor was it soft with love.  It was somewhere in between.  Loki figured it was a start.  Odin knelt down and placed a hand on Loki’s small, shaking shoulders.
“Loki,” Odin began, “I’ve heard a lot about you from other people.  Could you tell me about yourself?” Loki nodded.
“Uh-huh,” Loki replied, “Well, ‘m five-years-old an’ my brother’s name is Thor.  You’re my daddy an’ she’s my mummy.  We live in Asgard, but you don’ wan’ me there.  ‘M ‘fraid of lots of stuff, but I met lots of great people on Midgard that make me less scared.  I like t’ read, paint an’ stuff.  Oh!  Daddy, Miss Foster taught me ‘ow t’ read!  Tha’s pretty neat, huh?  Oh, an’ I lost a tooth at Mr. Stark’s house, see?” Loki pulled at his lips to reveal a missing tooth in his upper row.  Odin smiled fondly at him.  Oh what he had missed out on.
“What do you want Loki?” Odin asked.
“I wan’ us t’ be a family again.  I wan’ all of my new family t’ be part of my old one.” Loki told him simply.  Odin thought on it, his stubborn pride filling his chest.  He couldn’t admit that perhaps he was a little too harsh on Loki, but he could admit that his son had a second change at growing up and he was missing it.  But he couldn’t act on the desire to watch Loki grow up if the elder one still existed.  That is, if the elder one was as wicked as he once was.  Odin wouldn’t stand by and allow that kind of wickedness to go on, even if the boy was truly innocent.  The boy had proved to be as innocent as any child, but the elder one tarnished that.  As much as Odin loved his children, he loved justice and his kingdom just as much.
“In regards to the elder one,” Odin said, “has he changed as well?” Thor glanced back at him and was about to speak when elder-Loki started first.
“Father, it matters not if I have changed; I am dying.” Shock rippled through the crowd, elder-Loki’s gaze dropping to the ground.
“I-is tha’ true Bjarte?” Loki asked, shocked.  Elder-Loki nodded.
“Aye, it is true little one.  We were leaches to each other for some time and there can’t be two Lokis.  One of us was destined to die and I made sure it was me.” Elder-Loki explained.  Odin’s eye narrowed.
“Why would you do that?  You seemed so far gone, so deep in madness that even simple morals didn’t make sense to you any longer.” Odin inquired.  Elder-Loki chuckled darkly.
“You would be correct in saying so, father.  However, the boy is the one responsible for my change of heart.  The Norns sent the now dead Askr to me in a dream and informed me that one of us would kill the other in a battle for existence.  I chose to die so the boy could live.  He has a better chance of fitting in on Asgard than I do.  More people will forgive a boy.  No one would forgive me at this point.” Elder-Loki said.  Loki’s bottom lip trembled.
“I don’ wan’ you t’ die!  You’re my Bjarte!” Loki cried.  Elder-Loki picked him up.  Loki’s fingers dug into elder-Loki’s clothes as if holding on to him would keep him alive.
“Yes I know.  But you’ll finally be free from my shadow now.  You are free to be your own Loki.” Elder-Loki told him.  This did little to comfort Loki, a silent sob escaping him.
“When shall it happen?” Odin asked.
“Tomorrow evening,” elder-Loki replied.
“Very well.  Loki’s prison sentence in Fjørlag-Bryggja has been lifted.” Everyone graced little smiles on their lips and released little cheers of triumph from their mouths.  The little celebration did not last long, however; Odin’s hand was in the air.  Thor sighed.  There was more to be said here.
“However, Loki will not be allowed on Asgard except for two days out of the week.”
“What?!” Thor bellowed.
“I must work to rebuild his reputation among the people.  You must be patient, Thor, for this will be a tedious task that will take time.  As time goes on, he will be allowed on Asgard more and more.  Besides, we need time to figure out how to incorporate our families, eh Loki?” Odin said with a wink.  Loki giggled slightly, his face still tear streaked.
“Thank you, daddy,” Loki said.
“And what of Fury and S.H.I.E.L.D.?” Thor asked.  Odin flashed Thor a quick grin.  Thor had forgotten Odin could do that.
“Send someone to inform Fury that the deal is off,” Odin began, reaching his hand to the saddle bag by his thigh.  He pulled out a piece of parchment and handed it to Thor then said, “I’m sure he’ll find this in order.” Thor read it then bowed to his father.  Odin had really surprised him.  He had not expected this kind of generosity from the old man.
“Thank you, father.  Your wisdom is seen here today.” Thor said.  Odin nodded.
“Indeed.  Come wife; we must face the kingdom together.” Odin said.  Frigga nodded, planted a kiss on both Lokis heads and grabbed Odin’s arm.
“I love you daddy,” Loki called.  Odin’s eye widened.  After all he had put the boy through, he still loved him.  That shook him to the core.  How could he have been so blind?
“And I you.  I do hope you can learn to forgive me someday.” Odin said.
“Someday?” Loki questioned, “’M sure I forgive you now.” Odin smiled sadly.  His boy had a chance, a real chance to do good.  Thor took Loki from elder-Loki’s arms and Loki waved good-bye to his parents.
“I shall see you soon,” Odin said to both his sons.  Then in a flash of light he was gone.  Thor now turned to elder-Loki, sorrow in his gaze.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Thor choked out.  Elder-Loki avoided Thor’s eyes.
“I wanted your full attention to be on the boy and not finding ludicrous ways to save both of us when it simply cannot be done.  I love the boy more dearly than myself just as I love you more dearly than myself.  My own selfishness and will to live could not interfere with what had to be done.  It is obvious that the boy deserves life since I should not even exist anyway.” Elder-Loki said.
“What mean you?” Thor asked.                                                                        
“The Norns created me after their original plan didn’t work.  I was literally the darkness locked away inside of Loki, a shadow that would follow him throughout his life.  They hoped that in separating the bad in Loki from the good, Odin’s heart would soften and I wouldn’t be needed for very long.  Unfortunately, things got out of control and the boy needed me for protection.  They couldn’t send me away when the boy was in danger so I grew too strong to be done away with.  I was never meant to be while the boy was intentional.  Clearly he should live while I should die.  It’s logic, Thor.” Elder-Loki explained.
“Ah Loki; it is you who loves logic so.  It is not my strong suit.” Thor commented lightly.
“I suppose not, Thor.  Worry not, dear brother of mine.  All shall be well.” Elder-Loki said with false cheer.
“You’re lying,” Thor whispered, “I do not wish to lose either of you.  Why can you not both exist?  Why does one have to die?”
“I don’t want to go into detail, dear brother.  It’s merely a matter of there cannot be two Lokis.  The universe wouldn’t like that much at all.” Elder-Loki told him.
“I still do not like it,” Thor said, entering the lab again.  Slowly everyone followed his lead, somberly and slowly.
Everyone began going their separate ways after that.  Clint and Natasha returned to S.H.I.E.L.D. to tell them that Odin had broken his deal with them and deliver the notice.  Tony and Pepper were planning on heading back to New York after elder-Loki’s death.  Bruce wasn’t sure where he was going afterword.  They all wished to be with Loki when his elder-self died.  He knew Thor wouldn’t be able to comfort him since he would be too distraught himself, so Loki needed him.  It would be hard for the boy to see his only playmate die and they knew that Thor would be grieving.  It was only fair to stay with Loki while Jane comforted Thor.
Dinner was eaten, baths were given and movies were watched all with a somber attitude.  Loki didn’t like the fact that elder-Loki was dying.  He didn’t see how it could be a good thing at all.  They were separate people so why did elder-Loki say he could be free to be his own Loki?  Loki didn’t understand at all.  All he knew was that he didn’t like it.  Jane put Loki to bed and retired to bed herself.  No one had seen Thor the entire night.  No one would see Thor until the sun rose.  And the morrow would be the last sunrise that elder-Loki would ever witness.